FAQ'S
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
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Here, Richard Cheese himself personally answers some frequently asked questions about his music, his method, and his martinis.
And, he gets REALLY PISSED OFF at artificial-intelligence bullshit. See below! |
1.0) Where can I buy your albums?
Our Bandcamp music download website is: http://music.richardcheese.com
Our merchandise webstore is: http://shop.richardcheese.com
Our vinyl record shop is: http://shop.richardcheese.com
Visit our discography page to see all of Richard Cheese's albums!
Richard Cheese's newest album "Blue No Matter Who" will be released August 30, 2024.
The autobiographical book "Grateful: 25 Years Of Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine" by Mark Jonathan Davis (formerly titled "Atlas Lounged") is scheduled for release soon. Click here for more info.
1.1.1) Are you really retiring?
Yes. While I truly love my fans and enjoy playing shows, I have been doing nightclub gigs and concert tours for more than twenty years, so I've decided to take some time off from live performing. I've also had some vocal cord problems lately, so I've been advised to curtail my singing exploits before I do any irreversible damage. And, also, my achin' feet!
So, after performing one last round of shows in 2023 with my Lounge Against The Machine band, I have turned off my microphone, put away my tiger-striped tuxedo, and HEY DON'T TOUCH MY VODKA!!!!!!
We will still be releasing new albums, so don't worry. And, I want to work on some other projects, such as a Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine concert movie, a Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine podcast, and a Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine renewable space train. And of course, I have a lot of projects planned for our nation's cheerleaders.
To receive news about our future projects, please provide your email address on our signup form and we'll add you to our fan club update list.
I have loved performing for my wonderful fans, and I've enjoyed playing that swingin' live lounge music over the years, and I and my band appreciate your continued support. I do hope to return to the stage in 2036 as a DNA replicated clonebot.
Swank you very much!
RC
1.1.2) Will you and your band still do high-paying corporate events, weddings, and television gigs?
Hell yes, I'm not stupid! For more info, click the "HIRE THE BAND" link above.
1.1.3) I heard Richard Cheese makes a cameo appearance in a major motion picture called "Barb & Star Go To Vista Del Mar" starring Kristen Wiig and Jamie Dornan, released February 12, 2021 and now on sale on digital and streaming on Hulu, is that real or just some crazy dream?
It's true! See clips of me singing in the movie at the FILM & TV APPEARANCES page!
1.1.4) Did you write that "I Love Boobies" song in the "Barb & Star" movie?
Yes, I co-wrote it with my movie star BFFs Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo! Watch a clip of me singing the song in the film at the FILM & TV APPEARANCES page!
1.1.5) What was it like working with Kristen Wiig and Jamie Dornan?
Fabulous!!! And I'll tell you all about it in my forthcoming book!
1.1.6) Did you sing the opening song "Viva Las Vegas" in Zack Snyder's "Army Of The Dead" movie that was released on Netflix in 2021?
I feel like these questions are just excuses to plug my movies, but yes. More info at the FILM & TV APPEARANCES page!
1.2.1) Did you have an eye operation recently?
No, actually I had TWO eye operations recently!! In May 2014, I had corneal transplant surgery in my left eye. The surgery was a success, but the wound didn't heal right, so I had to have another surgery in the same eye, which was done in December 2015. By mid-2016, I was finally able to wear a contact lens again and now I have good vision in my left eye. Eventually, I will need a corneal transplant in my right eye, and then I plan to get a corneal transplant in my third eye!
1.2.2) And didn't you have some other surgery on your neck or something?
Yes! In July 2013, in Orlando, Florida, during our summer U.S. tour, I developed a MRSA staph infection on the back of my neck. Right after our concert at The House of Blues Disneyworld, I had to have emergency surgery before the infection went into my BRAIN. The surgery was successful, but it took a long time to recover. So, I had to cancel the rest of our 2013 tour dates, and I had to postpone my eye surgery, which I had already postponed before because of the hernia surgery.
1.2.3) What?!? Hernia surgery???
Yes! In February 2013, I had to have surgery to repair a hernia, which was probably caused from lifting so many heavy cocktails over the years. The hernia surgery was successful, as was the other abdominal surgery I had in August 2012.
1.2.4) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!??
No! In February 2012, I developed a blocked blood vessel in my lower abdomen, which was causing me all sorts of pain and prevented me from sleeping for about six months. That's why we had to cancel a bunch of concert dates in 2012. After many tests and many outrageous medical bills, the doctors performed an operation to repair it. The surgery in August 2012 was successful, but the problem returned in 2014, and they had to do the surgery again, but first I had to wait until my eye healed. Honestly, it was a 2-year nightmare, I do not recommend.
1.2.4.1) SO YOU HAD SIX SURGERIES IN THREE YEARS?
Yes!
August 2012 - abdominal blood vessel repair surgery #1
February 2013 - hernia surgery
July 2013 - neck surgery
May 2014 - cornea transplant surgery
May 2014 - abdominal blood vessel repair surgery #2
December 2015 - cornea repair surgery
Plus in October 2012, I sprained the psoas muscle in my back and I couldn't walk for a couple weeks, in November 2012 I got the norovirus, and in April 2013 I had a cyst removed from my eyelid!
1.2.5) HOLY SHIT. YIKES. WOW.
INORITE?! And I also had another sinus operation in December 2019, but I'm too lazy to re-type the list!
1.2.6) What ELSE is going to go wrong with you??
I'm thinking either hangnail or Kuato.
1.2.7) Will all of these medical stories be in your new "Grateful" book?
Yes! For info about the book, click here.
1.2.8) Will the book include photos of your scars and wounds?
THERE WILL BE BLOOD.
1.2.9) When you're finally fully recovered, will you go back on tour?
I don't know, ask my Kuato.
1.3.1) If you start touring again, when are you coming to play a show in MY town?
Well, we would love to perform everywhere in the world, but since we're an independent band without a major label to cover tour costs, we have to wait until we get hired to play a show. You can help make this happen by finding us a nightclub or corporate event where we can play a high-paying gig. If you can get us a bunch of shows in the same area of the country, then we can afford to fly there, pay for hotel suites and minivan rentals, and buy hookers. Just kidding, it doesn't have to be a minivan. For more info, visit the booking info page at our "HIRE THE BAND" link. Warning: we're incredibly expensive!
1.3.2) When are you coming to play a show in Australia, Portugal, and Stratford-on-Avon?
As soon as you fly us out there and get us work visas.
1.4) Why won't you play a show in MY town for ME?
Because I'm not your monkey!
1.5) Will you play my wedding?
Sure. Just go to our HIRE THE BAND booking info page and all the information is there.
1.6) Will you play my party?
Yes. Just go to our HIRE THE BAND booking info page and all the information is there.
1.7) Will you play my nightclub?
Um, I think we covered this. Just go to our HIRE THE BAND booking info page and read all the information there.
1.8) What if I want to book you for a show?
Look, this is the last time I'm going to tell you. Go to the HIRE THE BAND booking info page.
1.9) Is it okay if i just send you an email asking you to book a show without reading the booking page?
NO!!! GO TO THE HIRE THE BAND PAGE!
1.9.1) So, I can just call you to ask about a booking?
You disgust me.
2.1) Where the hell is my CD and/or vinyl record? I ordered it a long time ago!
Don't worry, it's on the way. We send out our orders by hand, the old-fashioned way, and since we're an independent operation without a big staff, it takes us a little extra time. Thank you for your patience, and email us again in a week if it's not there. For complete customer service, please visit our customer service page. And while you're online, how about buying another LP, huh?
2.2) Will you send me an autographed picture?
Autographed merchandise is on sale at http://shop.richardcheese.com
2.3) Why is the sky blue?
C'mon.
3) What is up with the "shady cheating jerkweasels" who were ripping you off?
In 2014, I launched a crowdfunding campaign to sell T-shirts to help pay for legal action against certain parties whom had ripped me off. Here's an excerpt from the campaign description:
Dear Beloved Richard Cheese Fan:
Please buy my new $18 "UNITED WE LOUNGE" T-SHIRT and other stuff so I can afford to hire lawyers to sue the shady cheating jerkweasels who ripped me off!
See, there are these shady cheating jerkweasels who have stolen thousands of dollars from my Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine band. I can't reveal all the details, but there was some shifty accounting, some breach of contract, some credit card fraud, and perhaps even some flight to avoid prosecution. Let's just say shady cheating jerkweasels covers it.
I recently discovered that one of these showbiz swindlers ripped me off for $6,500, another company owes me $8,000, and another business stole $13,000 from me! I am not good at math, but I think that's a total of $27,493!
Anyway, after much legal wrangling, my only option now is to take these personae mofos (that is a Latin legal term) to court.
The reason they stole from me is because they didn't think I would be able to afford to fight them. They thought they could get away with it. But I'm not going to give up.
And with your help, I won't have to. So, I am asking my fans to buy some shirts so I can afford to fight these nefarious thieving pigdogs. Thank you very much for your generous support of my Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine band, my unrelenting pursuit of cold hard justice, and my ridiculous font sizes. United We Lounge!
Thanks to the generous support of my fans, I was able to successfully litigate four of the cases, but there are still two more lawsuits in court right now. One of them is against a manufacturer who swindled me out of $10,000! The fight continues; I will post updates soon.
4.1) When is the next new Richard Cheese album coming out?
In 2024 I'm releasing an all-new studio album, which will be available on vinyl, CD, and digital platforms. Visit the SHOP page for more info!
We might also release some other albums in the coming years: "GRACELOUNGE," "LOUNGES OF THE HOLY," "LET IT BRIE: A LOUNGE SINGER TRIBUTE TO THE BEATLES," "SIX MINUTES OF LEISURE," and maybe more. We are also planning someday to release a catalog retrospective boxed set or something like that. To get a look at all of our CDs/albums, visit our discography page.
4.1.2) Which makes you the most money, Bandcamp, Spotify, iTunes, Amazon, or richardcheese.com?
Our webstore http://shop.richardcheese.com is our direct sales portal, so we make the most money from purchases there. Streaming services do not earn us any beaucoup bucks. However, we do make a leetle money from iTunes and Bandcamp and other music platforms, too, so it's okay if you buy our albums from those. No matter where you buy, we thank you for your loyal support. But if all you ever do is stream our music, and you never purchase albums/downloads/CDs, then you aren't actually supporting us at all. I hope you're proud of yourself.
4.2) Where can I get the albums KID A FLAT, A RUSH OF DICK TO THE HEAD, GOOD EVENING NASTY, TO THE FIVE CASINOS, and the other albums I have heard about and seen pictured in your CDs?
Well, I am sorry to say that those albums are not available. In fact, we have no idea what they are, and we can't answer any more questions about them.
The only albums that *really* exist are listed at our discography page.
My CDs and vinyl LPs are available in some retail stores, too. You can also get our albums online at iTunes, Bandcamp, and from web retailers like Amazon. And, of course, you can always buy my shit from our shop.richardcheese.com webstore.
4.3) Do you have sheet music available for your versions of the songs on your CDs?
No, sorry. We may put out a sheet music book someday, but publishing such a book is cost prohibitive, plus we have to get permission from the original songwriters, which isn't easy or cheap. If you want us to transcribe a song and print sheet music for you, we can do it for $500 per song. Seriously. That's the price. Yeah, I know, it's outrageous. So don't do it. Fine. You can probably get the piano teacher at the high school to make sheet music for you, and she'll do it cheap, because teachers are used to getting underpaid because society sucks!
We do have sheet music for the Johnny Aloha song "Drink To Hawaii," visit www.johnnyaloha.com!
4.35) Will you collaborate with me on a song/video project?
No disrespect, but why the fuck would I do that? I've already done this for 20+ years without your help, so I'm pretty sure I should just keep recording without you, that plan has totally worked for me so far!
Also, you don't want to have my name on your resume, it's showbiz kryptonite.
4.36) But what if I am songwriter-singer-actress Kira Kosarin, will you collaborate with me on a song?
Yes! And I will also MARRY YOU AND SIRE BEAUTIFUL SINGING BABIES!!!
4.4) Do you have karaoke versions of your songs available?
Yes! You can download instrumental versions of some of our songs on iTunes! Just search for "Richard Cheese." Some of our instrumental albums are offline right now, but they'll be back in 2038. We may put out some karaoke versions of our other CDs in the future, but not right now. It's not only expensive to make those fricking CD+G karaoke CDs, but there are also some legal hurdles involved with the use of displaying song lyrics. IF YOU ARE A KARAOKE CD+G PRODUCER and you can solve these problems for us, and it doesn't require me to do any work, send us an email and also some advance money and a stripper.
4.5) In the title of your album "Aperitif For Destruction," what does the word "Aperitif" mean?
Even though you're evidently too lazy to look it up for yourself in an on-line dictionary, here's a definition for you:
aperitif - (a·per·ih·tif) [ FR apéritif aperient, from ML aperitivus, irr. from L aperire ] n.: an alcoholic drink taken before a meal as an appetizer
4.6) Would you ever put out vinyl versions of your CDs, for DJs?
Let me talk to my accountants about this. Okay, I talked to my accountants, and they said no freaking way. We'd have to sell about 2,000 records at $25 each to break even on that deal, and I don't think there are 2,000 DJs who even have $25, because they spent it on WEED.
Pressing our songs on to vinyl makes ZERO BUSINESS SENSE and ZERO TECHNOLOGICAL SENSE. Our music was recorded on digital computers, so why would we want to decrease the audio quality by pressing it on to an inferior format? Okay, yes, I know, I have deeply offended and insulted you with that last sentence. Let me call the wahmbulance. Oh no, Daft Punk and DeadMau5 are driving it and it just crashed into a dispensary because they're wearing fucking mouse heads and helmets and we're STILL NOT PRESSING OUR MUSIC ON VINYL EVER EVER EVER EVER STOP ASKING.
Oh, wait, let me type that in a way you might better understand: A5KETH N0T.
Now, that said, if YOU want to press our albums on to vinyl, and pay for all the costs, materials, design graphics, packaging, storage, shipping, marketing, accounting, taxes, royalties, my exorbitant fee, and write apology letters to everyone who was injured or killed in that ambulance crash, go for it. Send me a check and make sure it's printed on hemp paper.
Seriously, no vinyl. End of di5cu55ion.
P.S. Update 2021: We might sell a vinyl record someday, but the price will be super high, just like you are.
P.P.S. Update 2022: WE ARE RELEASING VINYL ALBUMS NOW! Visit http://shop.richardcheese.com !
4.7.0) Can I use one of your Richard Cheese tracks in my student film, home movie, wedding video, DJ remix, or amateur porno?
Sure, what the hell.
But if it's for something other than private, non-commercial, offline use, then the real answer is probably no. You CANNOT use our songs in a YouTube video, TikTok/Instagram reel, TV show, movie, remix, Twitch stream, video game, cam show, or anything else without getting our advance permission and paying huge royalty fees.
If it were up to me, I'd probably say yes. But it's not up to me.
We're a cover band, so we perform other people's songs. We do not own the rights to those songs. So, you would need to obtain written permission in advance from the original song's songwriters and publishing entities, and then you'd need to obtain a "synch license" from the Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine record label to use our master recording.
Again, no, you can't make a video using my songs and post it on YouTube/TikTok/Instagram/etc. If you do, we will file a copyright infringement claim and have your video removed.
However, if it's just a little thing for your film class or tupperware party, and it's NOT BEING DISTRIBUTED ONLINE, then I don't think anyone's going to sue you, if you're just kicking it casual, ya know, G?
In fact, don't even bother asking an attorney about this. Just wing it! Who cares!
But if you decide to take this risk, DEFINITELY DON'T ASK US ABOUT IT. Once you ask, then we KNOW about it, and then, therefore, technically, we are OBLIGATED to forbid you from doing it. So, don't ask, don't tell, and proceed at your own peril.
Let me be clear about this: You cannot use our recordings in your project. That's our "official" stance.
Podcasters and Gamers and DJs and Streamers -- Wanna use our songs? Same deal as above: I wouldn't worry about it, but it's your ass, not mine. No, we can't send you instrumentals or stems or WAV masters or free promotional copies of our CDs. Just go on iTunes, you cheapskate. And no, sorry, I CANNOT appear on or be interviewed for your podcast. I did that once in Honolulu and I got into a lot of trouble! If you really really really want Richard Cheese on your podcast, read section 4.8 below.
Film students -- You may feel free to use our songs in your non-commercial class projects, and include an on-screen credit in the video, but you no can makee zee moneey! Please notify us in advance, send us a link to the finished video via Dropbox, and you must NEVER attempt to show it online or sell it or charge admission or screen it during a film festival or webinar or whatever. You also cannot sell the film online, and you are PROHIBITED from monetizing / selling advertising on a video using our song, too. If you do, our attorneys will sue you harder and faster than a Gina Valentina scene.
Seriously: don't ask us for permission, because we have to say no. Use our material at your own risk; prosecution of illegal uses and unauthorized exploitation may be pursued by the original artists, publishers, and labels; void where prohibited; the crow flies at midnight.
4.7.1) Can I license one of your songs for my legit TV show, film, documentary, commercial, stage show, video game, or porno movie?
Doubtful, but you can try.
First, as I explained earlier in 4.7.0, you will need to obtain permission and a license from the song's original songwriters and publishers. They will probably say no, or they will ask you for something like $150,000.
Then, after you pay them the $150,000, you would need to get a "synch" license from the record company that owns the Richard Cheese master recording of the song, and that will cost you tons of money as well.
And we might just say no because we don't want one of our tunes in a commercial for tactical sunglasses, you know? This process is difficult and expensive because songwriters really don't want their songs used in your wack projects. Write your own song, lazybones!
If you'd still like to request a license to use a Richard Cheese recording in your project, and you're rich, please fill out our LICENSING REQUEST FORM.
4.7.2) Can I make a remix of one of your recordings using an A.I. voice of Frank Sinatra and post it online?
Oh, I'm glad you asked.
The answer is ...
NO, YOU FUCKING LEECH.
I have been recording lounge-style versions of rock and rap songs since 2000.
I'm certainly not the first lounge singer to do that, BUT my unique arrangements and recordings are MY ORIGINAL ART.
I have released more than 30 albums and hundreds of tracks. I have spent tens of thousands of dollars on recording sessions and studios and extremely talented jazz and swing players to create the music of Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine.
YOU do not have the right to take my audio recordings and put Frank Sinatra's voice over them. Not only is this an unauthorized infringement of my copyrights, but it's also REALLY FUCKING LAME.
Yes, I do covers of other people's songs. But the difference is, I OBTAINED LICENSES FROM THE ORIGINAL ARTISTS to do my covers, and I PAY THEM A ROYALTY FOR USING THEIR SONGS, and I OWN THE RIGHTS TO THE RECORDINGS THAT I HAVE MADE.
So, NO, you cannot take my audio recording and put someone else's voice on it and exploit it online to get likes and follows and ad revenue.
ABSOLUTELY NO.
If you want to hear Frank Sinatra singing a lounge version of a song, then go hire your own fucking band and your own fucking musicians and your own fucking studio and your own fucking recording engineers and DO IT YOURFUCKINGSELF.
STOP. STEALING. MY. FUCKING. MUSIC. YOU. LAZY. CLUELESS. THIEVING. LEECHES.
If you post one of these unauthorized videos, we will file a copyright infringement claim and have your video removed and you will get a permanent copyright strike. No exceptions and no backsies.
4.8) Will you do my podcast?
I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but there are 500 trillion podcasts. And, the Earth only has 8 billion people. So, that means that many podcasts have a negative number of listeners. And, therefore, there is no way I am doing your podcast, because NO ONE WILL HEAR IT.
Now, I realize that YOUR podcast might be the exception, and you might actually have "some" listeners, and you might even have had other celebrities on your podcast, like the guy who drove the truck in "Beverly Hills Cop" or the inventor of the pen cap. But even if your podcast actually has some listeners, I am still not doing your podcast, because if I did every podcast that had "some listeners," I wouldn't have time to do anything else in my life. To paraphrase NAS and the Beastie Boys, "Too many podcasters, not enough MCs!"
So, unless you've got MILLIONS of listeners, I simply can't be on your podcast, because then I'd have to do EVERY podcast, and there just isn't enough time in the day. So sorry!
If you really really really want to have Richard Cheese on your podcast, use this:
https://richardcheese.bandcamp.com/track/richard-cheese-is-your-podcast-guest-free-download
4.9) Hey, I have an idea for---
STOP! Don't say another word. We can't accept outside ideas, pitches, demos, concepts, album titles, scripts, loglines, synopses, songs, requests, lyrics, jokes, tracks, or anything else. If you want to submit a project idea to Richard Cheese, you must have a real licensed showbiz agent and an attorney -- and a lot of money!! So don't even bother!
Also, I really don't want or need outside ideas from anyone, because I like to do my thing my way. Can you dig it? I knew that you could.
5.1.1) How long have you been doing this?
You mean typing the FAQs? About fifteen minutes.
5.2.1) No, how long have you been doing this whole Richard Cheese band thing?
Oh. Well, our first CD came out in October 2000, and we've been lounging against the machine ever since.
5.2.2) Where did you get the idea to do this act?
Well, to be honest, it's a combination of few things:
(a) I wanted to carry on the lounge singer tradition established by Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin and Tony Bennett, in which contemporary standards are performed in a swingin' traditional pop vocal style. There are so many wonderful songs being written these days, and while they may be released as rap or rock recordings, some of the lyrics and melodies are so good that they deserve to be re-interpreted as loungey big band arrangements and torch songs.
(b) I was inspired by Brian Setzer's 17-piece Brian Setzer Orchestra, which performed big band versions of Setzer's own early-career Stray Cats hits, like "Rock This Town" and "Stray Cat Strut." To hear those rock songs performed with a big band was fun and cool and clever.
(c) I blatantly stole from the creative genius of 3 legendary television comedians: Bill Murray's "Nick Winters" character on Saturday Night Live in the 1970's, Joe Piscopo's "Frank Sinatra" impersonation from SNL in the 1980's, and the "Tom Monroe" pop vocalist character that Rick Moranis created on SCTV in the 1980's.
In fact, back in 1982, when I worked in a warehouse, me and the other workers used to do our best impressions of the Rick Moranis "Tom Monroe" sketch, in which the cheesy lounge singer, wearing a white suit, white belt, and white shoes, was smarmily crooning the Police song "De Do Do Do De Da Da Da" on a golf course. I think that bit was really the primary influence for my act. Of course, lounge singers have been doing vintage versions of contemporary rock songs for years; Sinatra once did a cover of "Downtown" by Petula Clark! Eeew!
Interestingly, the first commercially-released audio recording of a lounge-singer character appeared on The Beatles song "You Know My Name (Look Up the Number)," in which Paul McCartney is introduced as a lounge singer named Dennis O'Bell, performing in a nightclub called "Slaggers." Just listen to McCartney as O'Bell when he says "Good evening!"
The tradition of performing pop songs with a big band continued on television variety programs in the 1960's, 1970's, and 1980's. Dean Martin, Judy Garland, Dinah Shore, Barbra Streisand, Carol Burnett, Sonny & Cher, and even Donny & Marie were know for staging glitzy numbers and snazzy covers of chart toppers from the era. To see what I mean, go on Google and search for Donny & Marie performing Steely Dan's "Reelin' In The Years" on ice skates.
Some other artists who are known for their re-arranged versions of popular songs include:
Steve Allen (dramatic readings of rock lyrics)
Rob Reiner (lounge singer character during "Saturday Night Live" monologue 10/25/1975)
Martin Short (lounge singer character Johnny del Bravo on "The David Steinberg Show" 1976)
Jack Jones ("New Jack Swing" album)
Pat Boone ("In A Metal Mood" album)
Marty & Elayne & The Dresden Room (lounge covers of pop hits, as seen in the movie "Swingers")
The Mike Flowers Pops (60's version of Oasis "Wonderwall")
The Joshua Trio (lounge versions of U2 songs)
Frank Bennett (Australian big band singer)
Lounge-A-Palooza (compilation of lounge-style rock covers, including Steve Lawrence & Eydie Gorme)
Black Velvet Flag (lounge style punk covers)
Post-Modern Jukebox (lounge style rock covers)
The Recliners (lounge style rock covers)
Prozak For Lovers (lounge style rock covers)
Paul Anka ("Rock Swings" album, he totally ripped me off!)
Paul Anka ("Classic Songs: My Way" album, he totally ripped me off again!!)
The Osbournes (sitcom-theme-style version of "Crazy Train," NOT sung by me)
El Vez (retro remakes of Elvis songs)
Dread Zeppelin (Elvis covers of Led Zeppelin songs)
Murphy Dunne as lounge singer Tommy Joyce in "The Big Bus" (1976)
Jane Lynch ("See Jane Sing" cabaret tour)
The Nylons (doo-wop covers of rock hits)
The Baseballs (German rockabilly covers of pop hits)
Nouvelle Vague (French covers of pop hits)
Enoch Light & His Light Brigade Orchestra (organ covers of pop hits)
Glenn Frey ("After Hours" big band album)
Max Bygraves (lounge/swing covers of 60's pop hits)
Michael Buble (big band covers of Top 40 hits)
Neil Sedaka (1976 ballad version of his own 1962 hit "Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do")
Peter Lemon Moodring (Chevy Chase lounge singer parody on Saturday Night Live)
Eric Idle (as a lounge singer in the film "Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life")
Weird Al Yankovic (polka medleys of contemporary songs)
Jaymz Bee & The Royal Jelly Orchestra (retro covers of rock hits)
Eddie Murphy as Randy Watson & Sexual Chocolate in "Coming To America" (lounge version of "The Greatest Love Of All")
Sonny Manischewitz (lounge singer character on 1970's sitcom "It's A Living")
Tony Bennett (1970 album "Tony Sings the Great Hits of Today!")
Richard Belzer (Rolling Stones "Satisfaction" done lounge style)
Devo (easy listening versions of their own songs)
Pete Barbutti (lounge version of "Hound Dog")
Joey Cheezhee & The Velveeta Underground (lounge covers on roller skates)
Brian Setzer Orchestra (big band versions of Stray Cats songs)
Will Ferrell (as "Goulet" on SNL)
Darlique & Barney (Kristen Wiig & Jon Hamm) on SNL
Steve Martin ("Vegas" routine on "Let's Get Small" album)
Joe Piscopo (as Frank Sinatra on SNL / 1982 single "I Love Rock N Roll")
Eugene Levy (as Perry Como in "Perry Como: Still Alive" sketch on SCTV)
Rick Moranis (as crooner Tom Monroe on SCTV)
Bill Murray (as lounge singer Nick Winters on SNL) with Paul Shaffer
Paul the 55-year-old-intern (at KROQ/Los Angeles)
And I saw Jimmy Fallon on TV in September 2013 and 2014 wearing an animal print tux jacket and doing "Broadway versions" of rock/rap songs; total ripoff of my act. SMDH.
5.2.3) What about that Paul Anka "Rock Swings" record?
Paul Anka ripped me off!
5.2.4) And then he put out another album, "Classic Songs My Way," in 2007, huh?
Yeah, he did. What a pain in my ass. Oh, thanks Paul, Mr. Millionaire, for horning in on my niche with your snazz-less, overly produced slickathon of pukey mediocre tracks. Say, as long as you're busy copying other people's concepts, why don't you go do a sing-a-long with dead Nat King Cole tracks? GET OFF MY STREET, ANKA!!!!!
5.3.1) What do the original artists think of you doing covers of their songs?
They're fine with it! We've had some great feedback from artists who truly call themselves Richard Cheese fans, including Slipknot, Papa Roach, Disturbed, Sir Mix-A-Lot, Beck, Bono, The Killers, Chris Martin from Coldplay, Rush, JJFad, Tre Cool from Green Day, Noodles from Offspring, Mystikal, Fred Schneider of the B-52's, Wes and Puddle Of Mudd, Serj from System Of A Down, Adrian Young from No Doubt, Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit, The Toyes, and many others. Travis Barker from Blink182 liked us so much that he hired us to entertain at his first wedding! Brian Setzer hired us to play in his living room for a Christmas Party!! The band MUSE had us perform at their after-show party on a boat in London, and we played Matt Bellamy's wedding!!! And, bands like Foo Fighters and Jet and the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Korn have been playing our CDs at their concerts before their show starts! Thanks fellas!
Also, each original artist receives a royalty payment of a whopping 12 cents for each Richard Cheese song we sell, so they are laughing all the way to the bank.
5.3.2) Do you have to get their permission to include their songs on your CDs?
Nope. Doing a remake of a song is legally allowed, as long as you give proper credit to the songwriters/publishers, as long as you don't change the lyrics, and as long as you pay the statutory royalty rate of 12cents per song per CD/record sold. For a CD such as "A LOUNGE SUPREME" that has 17 songs on it, every time we sell a copy of the album, we need to send a total of $2.04 to the various songwriters/publishers!
For digital releases of our songs (i.e. iTunes), we do have to obtain a digital distribution license, but that is just a formal permission and doesn't cost any money. Oh great, now some lawyer is going to read that sentence and realize they can start charging us for digital distribution licenses. Thanks a lot, FAQs!!!
More info about this process can be obtained from The Harry Fox Agency at www.songfile.com
And by the way, for my 2021 album "Snappier Than Ever," which contains original songs that I myself wrote, I still have to pay that 12cents ... to myself!
5.3.3) So this isn't like Weird Al having to get permission from the original artists?
No, no no! Weird Al Yankovic, who is a very talented and hilarious entertainer and close personal friend of mine, does SONG PARODIES, in which he changes the lyrics of existing songs. My Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine band does COVERS, which are new arrangements/performances of existing songs. Our arrangements remain faithful to the original song's lyrics and musical composition. Please don't call what we do "parodies." We might satirize, bastardize, and swankify, but we are not "parodying."
And stop comparing me to Weird Al! He's rich and successful!! I'm not!
5.4.1) Was that you singing the "Crazy Train" opening theme song for "The Osbournes" on MTV?
Nope. That was some other guy.
Funny story.
When they started developing the TV series, the folks at MTV wanted to use Pat Boone's lounge version of "Crazy Train" for the opening theme. But, it would have cost them a ton of money to license Pat Boone's recording. So, the MTV producers thought it would be a good idea to have RICHARD CHEESE re-sing the song, and they would use it as the series theme. Well, MTV tried to reach me but I never got the message, so MTV hired someone else to sing it, a guy named Lewis LaMedica. Oh well, that's showbiz.
5.4.2) Was that you in "The Hangover" movie?
Nope. That was also some other guy!
5.5.1) How do you decide which songs to cover?
Here, read the Liner Notes from my "Sunny Side Of The Moon" album:
Whether I'm strolling down a street, walking through a casino, or waking up in a whorehouse, I always feel so blessed when fans tell me how much they enjoy our music. I'm grateful and glad to hear their kind words, pose for a picture (even though the flash never ever ever ever EVER works), and answer their questions.
People always ask me, "Richard Cheese—is that your real name?" And I say, "Of course—why would I make up a name like that? What, are you an idiot?"
Many of my fans also ask me, "Hey Dick, if I'm going to have sex with one of your groupies, should I use a condom? Or two?"
But the question I hear most is, "How do you pick the songs for your CD's? What is it about a particular number that makes it right for your unique and trademarked brand of masterful swankification?"
Well, that's actually two questions. Nevertheless, I will answer them both, simultaneously, with this simple response: I don't know. I just don't know.
When we're looking for songs to interpret, I guess I'm searching for that something special: that unforgettable line, or phrase, or feel...that certain je nais parle pas which turns a simple song into an enduring standard. You won't find it in the sheet music, on the piano keys, or under the stage lights. It appears out of nowhere, like a long lost love; it whispers in your ear, kicks you in the guts, and sends you home with a note pinned to your heart which reads, "Remember," written with a Sharpee.
In other words, stop asking me this question, jerkface. Don't ask how the magic happens; don't try to figure out how they saw the lady in half; and don't call the cops just because I grabbed your girlfriend's chi-chi during the second set. Don't analyze it, man. Just trust it, live it, believe in The Cheese, and let the music and me do what we do best: lounge, baby.
Of course, when I say we, I am also referring to that talented team of seasoned musicians, recording engineers, and cocktail waitresses who have worked so hard to make it all sound so easy. To those dedicated professionals who have helped make all of those albums, concerts, broadcasts, and table dances possible, I say a heartfelt thank you, and I apologize again that I spent your paychecks on hooch. Whoops!
You know, in these crazy times, what with the hurricanes and earthquakes and tsunamis and Republicans, we must remember that, at least, the music is always there for us, and always will be. Wherever you go, whoever you do, there is, waiting faithfully for you at the end of the day, a great lyric, a memorable melody, and a happenin' tune. A beloved song is your loyal companion, your old standby, your home away from home, an ally in your corner. Yes, friends, you can always count on the music, the one language that everyone, everywhere understands. Are you listening, Gargamel?
And, so, with your permission, we've assembled a few of our favorite favorites for your listening pleasure. Some are old, some are new, and all of them are chock full of that swing thing that we bring. These are the songs that mean something to me, and I hope they become an important part of your life, too. So play them on your stereo, or your peapod, or whatever the hell you huffers are listening to these days...and let the music heal you.
Broke up with your gal? Listen to "Creep." Work got you down? Put on "People Equals Shit." Crushed by the repressive imperialistic crapitalism of a ruthless elitist theocracy? Try a little "Fight For Your Right (To Party)."
On some days, these songs may be the only lights you can find to help illuminate that big dark nightclub we call life. But that's okay...because even if the bar is closed, and the showgirls have gone home, I'll still be there to sing for you... and for me.
Remember....candy is dandy, liquor is quicker, but cheddar is better.
Your lounge singin' pal,
RC
P.S. Just because this is a Greatest Hits album doesn't mean you don't have to buy the rest of my CDs. Buy them, fuckers! Seriously! I am so broke it's pathetic! Do you know how much it costs to dry-clean a tiger-striped tuxedo thirty fucking times a year? Have you ever seen the bar tab after a gig with a full horn section? And let's not forget the private detectives, the antibiotics, and the bail bonds! Just go to my website, buy one of everything, and help me get the white devil off my back!
SO QUIT BUGGIN' ME WITH THIS QUESTION!
5.5.2) Is there a song that you have tried to cover, but couldn't make it work lounge-style?
Not really. My musicians are so talented that they can re-arrange anything. Those guys are the kings!
I get asked this question during interviews all the time, typically by unprepared radio DJs and inexperienced reporters. And really, it's a stupid premise for a question. I mean, it's like asking, "Have you ever done your job poorly and failed at it?" Why would anyone admit to something like that? Or, why should anyone be surprised that sometimes, things don't work? More specifically, if I chose songs that weren't working, then I wouldn't be a very good lounge singer, would I? It's just a really short-sighted and insulting question. Does every line of questioning have to degenerate into a scandal-mongering hit job? What, are you Fox News? Fuck off, jackass!!!
Next time someone asks me that question in an interview, I'm going to say, "Is there a woman you were in love with but she ended up having sex with someone better looking than you?"
Go to journalism school, eh! Sheesh!
5.5.3) Do you dislike the music press?
No. Yes.
Honestly, I just think some reporters never even listened to my albums or read the FAQs before the interviews. It's just lazy, empty journalism, and I am always hesitant to do an interview with a non-fan. I usually get misquoted, insulted, or worse. But it's okay, no one reads newspapers anymore anyway. Print is dead.
I do think that real journalists for reputable newspapers and magazines are cool; it's the amateurs on webzines and blogs and podcasts and other non-professionals who generally don't have enough experience, education, or spelling bee wins on their resume. You know, the they're their there bunch.
5.6) Why does your voice on your albums sound different after 2003?
Because in 2003, I had a sinus coblation operation, and I also had my tonsils removed. This procedure opened up my nasal passages, which resulted in a slight change in my vocal sound.
5.7) Is that you singing "The Star Wars Cantina" Comedy Parody Song?
Actually, no. That was done by Mark Jonathan Davis, the guy who portrays me. He recently released an album of hilarious parody songs called "THE PARODY SONGS THAT DESTROYED EARTH." Here's a link for more info: www.markjonathandavis.com. But please don't call the phone number in the "Star Wars Cantina" video. Just laugh and move along, move along.
5.8) Did you really write the song "Christmas In Las Vegas"?
Yes, I sure did! I made up the melody and the chorus lyrics in 2004 while I was driving to the supermarket. Then, I had my musical director Bobby Ricotta transcribe it on to sheet music, and a song was born. I wrote the lyrics in early 2006 at a Baja Fresh restaurant in Rancho Mirage, California, and we finished recording the song in Hollywood in the summer of 2006. You can read the lyrics at the SONG LYRICS page.
I've written a bunch of other original songs, too, and you can hear them all on my 2021 album "Snappier Than Ever", streaming now at http://music.richardcheese.com
5.8.1) Did you really write the song "Hannukah In Las Vegas"?
Oui!
5.8.2) Did you really write the song "Richard Cheese's New Birthday Song"?
Um, duh.
5.8.2) Did you really write the songs "Baby Stay The Fuck Away From Me" and "Vegas On My Mind" and "Vaccine Daddy"?
I'm realllly getting tired of the dumb questions.
5.9) Hey what's up with you singing the song "Rape Me"? That seems like you crossed a line, even for Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine.
The Nirvana song "Rape Me" has been controversial ever since it was released in 1993. But why is it okay for Kurt Cobain to sing it but not Richard Cheese? Of course, sexual assault and rape are very real and serious issues which should not be joked about. Fortunately, in the context of a Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine cover song, our fans understand that we are not making fun of rape, we are making fun of the song. Indeed, satire and social commentary often balance on a very fine and subjective line, and this meta explanation probably won't be satisfactory to some people, and for that, we're sorry for any offense taken, as absolutely none is intended. We're a stupid lounge act. Don't take us seriously and you won't get hurt!
5.9.1) And what's up with you singing the "n word" in some of your songs?
I have addressed this question numerous times over the past few years. Here is my most recent statement about this issue, from summer 2020:
I made a decision in 2019 to remove "the n-word" from all Richard Cheese recordings. This has now been done for all digital tracks/platforms to which I had distribution control. I hope to have this fixed on all platforms soon. Thank you for your patience.
One of our recordings, a lounge version of Khia's "My Neck My Back," has suddenly become very popular on YouTube and social media platforms like TikTok. The uncensored version was originally recorded in 2010. I have tried to have this "n word" version of the track taken down from the internet, but the audio keeps popping up on various platforms.
A few people have asked why I thought it was okay to record it in the first place. The answer is simple: I was ignorant 10 years ago.
Some have also asked why it took so long for me to correct it. Well, to be honest, my band has not been very popular, so not that many people even heard the recording. So I really didn't hear any complaints about it until recently.
Then I learned from the Black Lives Matter movement why it was wrong, and I've been working diligently to correct my mistake and my poor judgment. I also stopped singing the offensive words in our live shows more than 10 years ago. I understand now it was very inappropriate for me, a white person, to use the "n-word" in any context, and I am sorry and I apologize.
I am grateful to everyone for speaking up and educating me. Now more than ever I am trying to be a better ally.
Thanks again for your patience and understanding.
While some offensive/explicit lyrics can be funny, this one isn't. A new edited version of "My Neck My Back" with the word removed is now being distributed on most music platforms.
The other Richard Cheese songs we've edited/censored include "Holiday In Cambodia," "Shake Ya Ass," and "Insane In The Brain." If you find a version of a Richard Cheese song online with the "n word" uncensored, please send me the link (using our contact form) so we can have it taken down. Again, thank you for your patience.
5.9.3) You still suck and I don't accept your apologies.
Okay. Fortunately, you have the right to not listen to my albums if you don't like them. And, by the way, there are also millions of other songs, books, movies, plays, TV shows, and other artworks that include content which is offensive. Please boycott all those, too. Bon voyage!
6.1.1) Do you really read the emails you get?
Yes, every single one. It takes a LONG time, but damnit, you're worth it. Thanks for your patience, and please keep spreading the cheese.
6.1.2) I signed up on the "PEOPLE WHO WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH RICHARD CHEESE" list at one of your shows. How do I get this sex?
Well, email me a picture of yourself, and if you're female, hot, 18, single, and local, you're next.
6.2) Why isn't your YouTube page working?
Because they're fucking with me. But it might be fixed now, try this: https://www.youtube.com/RichardCheese
6.3) Are you on FaceBook and Instagram and Twitter?
Social media platforms are corrupt, biased, hate-filled corporate clusterfucks, and I am discouraging people from using them. Instead, please subscribe to my monthly boozeletter at the CONTACT page.
6.4) Are you on TikTok?
I have no fucking idea.
7.1) Where did you get your tiger-striped tuxedo?
I bought my first tiger-striped jacket in a vintage shop on Melrose Avenue in Hollywood in 2001, and had a tailor make some alterations to it. Then, I got another one, and then I couldn't find them anymore. Then, I bought a bunch of tiger-striped fabric and hired a tailor to custom-make the jackets for me. I'm on my 5th one right now. If you want one of your own, I can get one for you at a discount cost of $3500. Seriously.
7.2) Can I borrow your tiger-striped tuxe---
NO!
7.3) What about leopard-print?
NO NO NO my tuxes are Tiger-Striped, not leopard print!!! Those are lame. Did a leopard maul Siegfried & Roy? NO! It was a TIGER. Let's be authentic, people.
7.4) What about the tiger-striped ties that Bobby, Frank, and Billy wear during your shows?
If they're not already sold out, you can buy an official Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine Tiger-Striped Necktie at our webstore.
7.5) Can you tell us more about Bobby, Frank, and Billy?
Bobby Ricotta is our pianist and musical director. Billy Bleu is our bass player. Frank Feta is our drummer. That's all I know about them. But I've heard they're very nice.
8.1) Is it okay if I burn/rip your CDs and steal money directly out of your pocket?
No, it's not okay at all. Go read the note about music piracy (section 13.13) below. And then expect a call from my attorney.
9.1) What's your favorite thing to do in Vegas?
Fuckin'.
9.1.1) Is a joke.
9.2) Will you pose for a photo with me at your show?
Yeah, sure, as long as you promise to make me stand uncomfortably close to your liquor-breathed freakshow manfriend while your girlfriend clutches my jacket sleeve and some of my actual skin in her claw-like drunken grip, and as long as you promise that none of you have a fucking clue how to operate your own goddamned camera on your own goddamned phone, and as long as you leave the flash on so I am fucking blinded, and as long as you promise to take the worst possible picture of my face, and spill a drink on my tuxedo in the process, and then try to get me to pose for another picture because the first one was blurry or you weren't smiling or you're just a needy time hog. Say Cheese!
9.3) How come you don't allow photo passes and professional photographers at your concerts?
Because cameras steal the soul.
And because professional photographers like to take 500 pictures when they only need about three, and I don't need to be blinded by flashbulbs every 4 seconds.
And because some people who ask for press passes are, in fact, lousy photographers who just want to see a free concert.
And because there are already plenty of pictures of me on the internet, and you're not going to capture anything earth-shattering with your little Rollieflex at my silly lounge show, Ansel Adams.
9.4) Can I have free tickets to your show because I'm poor, young, and/or greedy?
Yes. I mean, no.
9.5) Can I have free tickets to your show because I'm hot, young, and/or easy?
Yes.
10.1) Are you just making up extra questions so your FAQ will seem more comprehensive?
Yes.
11.1) It's not working.
That's not a question, is it?
12.1) Nope.
13.13) Please read this 2013 letter about music piracy.
FROM THE DESK OF JACK MONTEREY,
SENIOR VICE-PRESIDENT OF OPERATIONS
Dear Richard Cheese Fan:
Thanks for your kind support of Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine. We appreciate your loyalty and we hope you enjoy our albums.
The rest of this letter is aimed at people who are NOT loyal fans. If you're the kind of person who fileshares and rips CDs, this is for you.
We'd like to respectfully ask that you PLEASE DON’T copy, share, burn, rip, upload, sideload, duplicate, re-distribute, or otherwise infringe upon our copyrighted recordings and intellectual property. It's okay to put our CD on your personal iPod, but please don't let our albums be copied by friends or family.
The unauthorized copying and distribution of copyrighted music is just plain wrong, and it directly hurts Richard and makes it financially impossible for them to keep recording albums. That's why we're trying to stop music piracy and filesharing, and we would really appreciate your cooperation.
Richard, his bands and crew, and many other hard-working professional people spend lots of time, energy, and money making our CDs. We also pay out royalties to the original artists for every song on every CD, which also costs a lot of money. Lots of money. OH MY GOODNESS, IT'S A LOT OF MONEY!
You see, we're not a big record company with lots of funding; Richard takes cash out of his own pocket to fund these CDs. So, when you trade MP3s or give away burned CDRs, that means fewer people will purchase our albums. Yes, the economy is tough out there, but Richard has to make a living, too. Selling CDs is the only way he can make enough money to record more music for you. If his CDs and tracks are stolen, then he will go bankrupt. It's that simple.
Giving away our music for free does NOT result in more CD sales for us; it just takes money away from our band, and makes it impossible to stay in business. That's not fair or cool.
Is it okay to walk into a diner, eat a meal, and then leave without paying, as long as you tell other people how great the food was? Of course not. That's a crime against the hardworking people who work at that restaurant. Music piracy is just as immoral as shoplifting, stealing cable, and sneaking into movies.
Richard asks you from his heart: please don't participate in the stealing of music. Please resist the temptation to share, copy, and re-distribute these songs. Please please please don’t loan out your CDs to friends, and please don't allow your CDs to be copied or uploaded. Otherwise, Richard won't be able to recoup his investments, and that means he won't be able to afford to record or produce any more albums in the future. This is the real and serious consequence of music piracy and illegal downloading.
Yes, the internet can be a good source of exposure, and we do appreciate people's enthusiasm. But theft is NOT an acceptable way to promote our music, period. That is Richard's position on this issue.
If you want to help Richard Cheese, tell your friends to visit http://music.richardcheese.com or iTunes and listen to the preview clips. Or, you can let them LISTEN to one of your CDs. But PLEASE don't let them burn or copy your CD. Please tell your friends and cousins and co-workers and classmates to PLEASE GO BUY THEIR OWN CD.
These albums belong to Richard; he created them, he owns them, and he wants you to enjoy his work on the condition that you pay a purchase price for that privilege. There are real costs associated with recording, producing, manufacturing, and distribution, and we have to sell as many CDs as possible just to break even. We don't want a huge profit; we aren't in this business to get rich. We just want to earn enough money to continue making more new albums for you, our devoted fans.
We do what we do because we love the idea, we love the music, but most of all, we love the fans who "get it" and support us with their loyalty and integrity. So, please keep supporting us by respecting Richard's hard work, and by making sure you aren't enabling or participating in the crime of stealing music. If you're gonna steal something, we recommend you go after gasoline, pharmaceuticals, and patio furniture. That stuff is overpriced!
We love our loyal fans, and Richard wants to continue making new CDs for you. Please help us in the fight against music piracy. Treat your new CD like a valuable treasure; you paid for it, so, let's make sure no one else gets it for free!
Both I and Richard sincerely appreciate your loyalty, understanding, and support. We truly hope you enjoy our albums, and we also hope you will tell all your friends about our music. Thank you from Richard Cheese.
Best Wishes,
Jack Monterey, Senior VP of Operations
14.1) Is that it for the FAQs?
Maybe?
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